How it affects those around you

So...

I am very much aware that my health issues etc etc affect those around me. Those who i love and care for dearly. For me seeing them feel the pain of feeling helpless. It's a lot to go through on a regular basis and a lot to endure for them. It hurts to see them suffer along with you. I then cant help feeling guilty and feeling bad for putting them in this position. I say sorry over and over and over and over... you get the idea. 

A thing I've noticed myself doing is trying to hide those painful days or the moments when i don't feel good. I avoid telling my mum as i know she gets upset especially now I've moved 2 hours away. She feels even more helpless as she cant be by my side. But the more i bottle it up, the more stressed and wound up i get therefore causing the pain. Can you see the cycle? It is a pain in the arse!! You then go through the idea that you can't win ever, but you can easily fall further into that hole which is why It's important to be vocal about things rather than hiding. This is in regards to mental health, physical health, emotions etc in any relationship or scenario. 

Therefore, my aim is to be more vocal on how i feel but try and put it more positively or once i've said it, i leave it at that. The more you repeat it, the more likely you are of bringing the mood down. Furthermore, i am going to not let my off days defeat me. I will plan my day around the pain and try and power through- obviously dependant on how servere the pain is. 

Can anyone else relate in any way? It doesn't have to be physical health but also mental health. Don't be afraid to speak up. Life is too short. Help yourself. Stop self destructing. These are definitely things i need to work on. 

Feel free to message me, if i can help in a small or big way, i want to help.